Is your marriage in a rough patch or something deeper?
Divorce affects roughly 40% of marriages, yet the deliberation process is one of the loneliest experiences in adult life. People spend months cycling between staying and leaving without a structured framework for evaluating the question. Gottman’s research identified patterns that predict divorce with over 90% accuracy in clinical studies. This quiz adapts those predictors for the marriage context, incorporating factors unique to long-term partnerships. Answer honestly for the most accurate picture.
Rate each statement: 1 = Strongly disagree, 2 = Disagree, 3 = Neutral, 4 = Agree, 5 = Strongly agree. Items 1 to 4 of 20.
Items 5 to 8 of 20.
Items 9 to 12 of 20.
Items 13 to 16 of 20. The remaining items shift focus to positive relationship dimensions.
Items 17 to 20 of 20.
Calculating your result…
What does research say predicts divorce?
Gottman and Levenson’s longitudinal research identified four communication patterns, contempt, criticism, defensiveness, and stonewalling, that predicted divorce with over 90% accuracy across multiple study cohorts. They also identified what distinguished stable marriages: a ratio of at least 5 positive interactions for every negative one during conflict, effective repair attempts, and what Gottman described as the “Sound Relationship House” of shared meaning, admiration, and genuine friendship. Both the warning sign patterns and the protective factors are measured in this quiz.
Additional predictors include emotional flooding, the physiological overwhelm that drives stonewalling, and gridlocked perpetual problems, defined as issues that have been discussed for years without movement. Both are more common in marriages than in shorter dating relationships, which is why this assessment includes items for both.
Is it normal to wonder if you want a divorce?
Research and clinical data suggest that questioning a marriage is common, particularly during periods of high stress, conflict, or major life transition. The American Psychological Association’s resources on marriage note that most people in distressed marriages experience ambivalence rather than certainty about leaving. The deliberation period, sometimes lasting years, is well-documented in the research literature on divorce decision-making. Wondering is not the same as deciding, and the presence of uncertainty is not itself a predictor of outcome.
What are the stages of thinking about divorce?
Research on divorce contemplation identifies several common phases: initial awareness of serious dissatisfaction, private deliberation, selective disclosure to trusted others, formal decision-making, and transition. Most people spend significant time in the deliberation phase, often years, before making any decision. Studies show that many people who seriously consider divorce do not go on to divorce, particularly when they access professional support during the deliberation period. The decision is rarely linear.
Frequently asked questions
No. This quiz reflects patterns in your responses relative to research on marriage factors. It cannot and does not recommend any course of action. The decision about whether to end a marriage involves legal, financial, and personal dimensions that no assessment can evaluate. The result is a structured framework for reflection. Any decision about your marriage should be made with the support of a qualified therapist and, where appropriate, legal and financial advisers.
Gottman describes gridlock as a state where perpetual problems, those rooted in fundamental differences in values, personality, or life goals, become locked. Unlike solvable problems, perpetual problems cannot be fully resolved; they can only be managed through ongoing dialogue. Gridlock occurs when dialogue breaks down and partners feel unable to discuss the issue without escalation or shutdown. Research indicates that gridlocked couples show significantly worse outcomes than couples with the same unresolvable issues who can still dialogue about them. The ability to communicate about gridlocked topics without contempt or stonewalling is the key variable, not the resolution of the underlying issue.
Yes. Gottman Method couples therapy, which explicitly targets the Four Horsemen and works on building repair capacity and shared meaning, has shown consistent positive outcomes in published research. A 2013 study by Gottman and colleagues found that couples who completed the Gottman Method intervention showed significant improvements in relationship satisfaction that were maintained at follow-up. The presence of serious warning signs is a reason to seek professional support, not a fixed prediction of dissolution.
Emotional flooding, Gottman’s term for the physiological overwhelm that shuts down rational processing during conflict, is particularly associated with stonewalling. When heart rate exceeds roughly 100 beats per minute during conflict, the capacity for productive communication effectively ceases. In long-term marriages, flooding can become conditioned: the mere presence of conflict triggers the physiological response before the content of the disagreement has been processed. Gottman’s research found that teaching couples to recognise flooding and take self-soothing breaks before re-engaging significantly improved conflict outcomes.
- Gottman JM, Levenson RW. Marital processes predictive of later dissolution. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. 1992;63(2):221-233.
- American Psychological Association. Marriage and Divorce Statistics. APA Help Center.