Is your relationship worth fighting for?
The decision to end a romantic relationship is one of the most agonised-over choices in adult life. People search for clarity and often find vague advice. Research by John Gottman identified specific patterns that predict relationship dissolution with over 90% accuracy. This quiz adapts those predictors for dating relationships, giving you a structured framework rather than gut feeling alone.
Rate each statement honestly: 1 = Strongly disagree, 2 = Disagree, 3 = Neutral, 4 = Agree, 5 = Strongly agree. Items 1 to 4 of 16.
Items 5 to 8 of 16.
Items 9 to 12 of 16.
Items 13 to 16 of 16.
Calculating your result…
What does research say about relationship warning signs?
John Gottman and Robert Levenson’s longitudinal research at the University of Washington identified four communication patterns that predicted divorce with over 90% accuracy across multiple independent samples. These patterns, which Gottman named the Four Horsemen, are contempt, criticism, defensiveness, and stonewalling. Their research also identified what distinguished stable couples: a 5:1 ratio of positive to negative interactions during conflict, the capacity to make and accept repair attempts, and what Gottman called the “Sound Relationship House” of shared meaning, admiration, and friendship.
The score on this quiz reflects where your responses fall on these dimensions. It is not a prediction of your relationship’s future. Patterns identified in research represent probabilities across large samples, not verdicts for individual relationships. Many couples with concerning patterns have reversed them with professional support.
What are Gottman’s Four Horsemen?
Contempt is the single strongest predictor of dissolution in Gottman’s research. It communicates superiority and disgust through sarcasm, eye-rolling, mockery, and hostile humour. Unlike criticism, which targets behaviour, contempt targets the person, which is why it is uniquely corrosive. Criticism attacks a partner’s character rather than a specific act. Defensiveness responds to complaints with counter-complaints or playing the victim, blocking any possibility of the partner’s concern being heard. Stonewalling withdraws from the conversation entirely, often in response to physiological flooding during conflict.
Each Horseman has an antidote in Gottman’s framework. Contempt is countered by building a culture of appreciation and fondness. Criticism is countered by using gentle start-up, describing feelings and needs rather than character attacks. Defensiveness is countered by taking some responsibility. Stonewalling is countered by self-soothing when flooded, taking a genuine break, and returning to the conversation.
Repair attempts and the 5:1 ratio
Gottman’s research found that stable couples maintain a ratio of at least five positive interactions for every one negative interaction during conflict. Positive interactions include humour, affection, agreement, interest, and empathy. When the ratio drops below 5:1, partners begin to feel the relationship is more draining than nourishing. Repair attempts are any moves that de-escalate tension or signal goodwill. The capacity to make and accept repair attempts is one of the strongest predictors of stability, independent of how often a couple argues.
Frequently asked questions
No. This quiz reflects patterns in your responses relative to research on relationship factors. It cannot and does not tell you what to do. Many factors influence whether a relationship is worth continuing, including history, values, circumstances, and individual goals, which no assessment can fully capture. The result is a structured framework for reflection, not a verdict. The final decision is always yours.
Yes. Gottman’s research identifies patterns, not fixed destinies. Couples therapy, particularly approaches that explicitly target the Four Horsemen patterns, has shown consistent positive outcomes in research. Studies of the Gottman Method show significant improvements in relationship satisfaction and reductions in destructive communication patterns after intervention. The presence of warning signs is a reason to seek support, not a conclusion about the relationship’s viability.
A repair attempt is any behaviour during conflict that de-escalates tension or signals goodwill: humour, a sincere apology, physical touch, or explicitly naming the dynamic. Gottman’s research found that the ability to make and accept repair attempts is one of the strongest predictors of relationship stability, independent of how often couples argue. Couples who argue frequently but repair effectively show better long-term outcomes than couples who argue rarely but lack repair capacity. The absence of effective repair is often more telling than the presence of conflict.
Contempt is the most serious warning sign in Gottman’s research because of its consistent association with dissolution across multiple independent studies. However, the presence of contempt does not determine an outcome. What matters is whether it is occasional or pervasive, whether the partner receiving contempt experiences genuine distress, and whether both partners are willing to acknowledge and work on the pattern. Contempt that is infrequent and followed by repair attempts is substantively different from contempt that is the dominant emotional tone of the relationship.
- Gottman JM, Levenson RW. Marital processes predictive of later dissolution: behavior, physiology, and health. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. 1992;63(2):221-233.
- Gottman JM, Silver N. What Predicts Divorce? Lawrence Erlbaum Associates. 1994.